Self-Aware

People sometimes say that to be self-aware is to be really smart. Its an asset, a good thing, to be self aware because you know yourself.

But I think these people are wrong. Because being self-aware really only means that one sees oneself from an outward perspective. You can lie to yourself constantly being self-aware because you try to see what other people see. And you react to things based on what other people see. And what people don't see doesn't exist! And if you can keep secrets, and lie well, it will astound you how fast you can forget or move on from things. Who cares how you feel when other people are happy with you?

Selfish? Or selfless?

Both.
You have selfishly lost yourself and are floating in space, bumping up against things and bruising yourself and your quietly broken edges. You are self-less. There is no self.
But image is everything, and as along as you're candid and honest and aware of how others perceive you, you're perfect. You're self aware. You can see through their eyes and tell them what they see.

...Of course then there's that moment down the line where you realize that you've put your self-esteem through a cheese grater, and you aren't happy with yourself at all. That's when you re-evaluate. Where are you? Peel back all the old paint, the false pretenses, the in-control facade. Where are you in there? Without all the fluff, and the romance, and the trying-too-hard, what is it that your heart really desires?