The Truth About Twilight

At a younger age, I found myself unable to eat marshmallow Peeps because they were so darn cute. I would ask for them every year. They'd appear in my Easter basket, I'd open them, and then stare lovingly down at their sugary brown eyes. 

For days.

As much as they did look soft and delicious and ridiculously sweet, I couldn't bring myself to chomp into their gooey little marshmallow bodies. I usually ended up throwing them out or feeding them to the dog after they had dried out, becoming stale and gross. 

And that is what I think of as I read the Twilight books. Ugh. I know, right! I'm just another person roped into the phenomenon that is the vampire-romance-novel. Sheepishly, I carry my 600 page monster book to school with me in my bag and make sure to take it out only in the staff room where none of the students will see me reading gratuitous frivolity. Which are two words that my kids would not, in reality, be able to pronounce. Still, I'm telling you, this book is like a horrific Lil Wayne "song!" It might be lacking substance or meaning, and be totally repetitive, but the hook is absolutely amazing. I just love pulling it apart and looking at it from different angles. 

Thus I present to you angle number A: Twilight is about someone who falls in love with their food. The book is seriously about Bella (the marshmallow Peep) being way too gorgeous to eat even though she is clearly food for her lover. 

Further regarding angle A, I myself would probably fall in love with a plate of bread pudding. 

I would stroke its warm squooshy goodness forever and always, promising never to eat it. I would have to exercise the utmost control, of course, not to eat my soulmate. It would be painful at times. But... our feelings would run so deep!