I Dated John Mayer

"I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else," he said. "I made a plan to stay a man who can only love himself."

"Right." I said. We were standing in my kitchen. "And I came busting in all roses and smiles and soft hair. I went to your soccer games. Your family loved me. I bought everybody Christmas presents they would never buy for themselves. I cooked three course meals and casseroles. Like this one." I was just about to put a potato casserole in the oven.

He said, "But half of my heart's got a real good imagination. And half of my heart's got you."

And I said, still mixing the casserole, "Hold up now. So you're all thinking too much, huh? Well I'll show you. You do have me. You'll never lose me. Stop thinking that way and just trust me. I want all of your heart."

He said, "Half of my heart would marry you in a second and half of my heart knows I'll never love anything."

And so I pushed the casserole in the oven, slammed the door, and said, "Dang it! Every day its back and forth like this. You just have to trust me. I don't know what I did to keep you from giving your whole heart to me, but just let me prove this to you. I'm all here. I'm all in."

But he said, "I know. Your faith is strong. But I can only fall short for so long. Still I can't stop loving you. I can't stop loving you. With half of my heart."

And I'm like, "John. Seriously. What am I supposed to do with that?" I start moving around the kitchen, cleaning up the casserole mess. "So, like, what do you want? You want to leave me?"

And thats when he starts saying "Half of my heart" over and over and over again and I'm like, well, this sucks, he's a broken record.

Then he goes silent, disappears, and I try not to cry leaning against the sink with a fist full of dirty paper towels.