Diamond Store Ninja Stars

If you dont live in Nashville, or if you do and are just completely unaware, LISTEN UP PEOPLE!

THERE'S A WAR GOING ON.

A jewelry war, to be exact.
Village Jewelers, Shane Company, and Genesis Diamonds are blowing up my car radio with sickeningly sweet commercials about true love, and crazy exotic accents promising uniquely international flavor at low, low diamond prices.

Seriously. What. The. Heck.
It is not HUMAN to sing along to a jewelry commercial. Two out of three regular radio listeners can probably recite for you the hours at your local Cool Springs Shane Company.

"Open Monday through Friday till 6. Saturday and Sunday till 5. Online... at ShaneCo dot com."

Oh yeah. It's gotten really bad. I even know the names of the owners at Village Jewelers and Genesis Diamonds. Owner Boaz Ramon, who reminds us that "his accent is always on value," competes regularly with Nyuma Shor of Village Jewelers, "official jeweler of the Tennessee Titans," who also has an alarmingly unique accent. The two of them are almost indistinguishable, though hilarious to immitate. The only odd ball is the nationally recognized voice of Tom Shane who should really invest in Brookstone and lend himself to Enviro-scapes because I immediately want to pass out upon hearing him speak.

What makes it worse, however, are the images they use to pull at your heart strings.

"He's charmed my mother, impressed my father..."

It's almost like they're waving phony, yet deliciously perfect relationships in your face.

"The next time I hold his hand, I want to be wearing a Tacori."

Which, by the way, is a very expensive designer engagement ring. ...Gold digger...

This stuff blares through my car stereo YEAR ROUND. Its Valentine's, true, but in the fall? Shane Company lets me know that more guys pop the question around Christmas than any other time! Its the summer? Bridal blitz! It DOES NOT end.

Thus, unfortunately, I am stuck here in my car year in, year out, glancing at my naked ring finger while I grumble about the sappy squooshy gooshy voice of the happy bride. OR, of course, the rolling R's of Boaz and Nyuma.

Speaking of whom, the plot thickens if you do a little research. The Charlotte (NC) Business Journal, dated April 30th, 2004 had the following to say about Mr. Ramon after his exit from the Charlotte diamond scene.

"No statement to the press was too outlandish and no competition-bashing advertisement was too bold for Boaz Ramon, the controversial former presient of Diamonds Direct USA Inc. The man who raised his diamond business from relative obscurity on Independence Boulevard to SouthPark -- the glittering heart of high-end retail in Charlotte -- won few friends along the way. But it wasn't just Ramon's aggressive business dealings that rankled the industry. The taunting calls he made to competitors when he took a customer away and the sef-congratulatory faxes he would send after winning a sale left many local jewelers angry and some feeling vulnerable. Many say they never knew what he would do next -- and that scared them. Ramon left management of the 6,000-square-foot SouthPark store and showroom on March 24 under circumstances that still aren't clear."

Love it! Taunting calls and self-congratulatory faxes? The man's a beast! His character gets more and more interesting the more you read. Apparently he's currently in the middle of a lawsuit.

"Cammeron's complaint detailed how he and Ramon signed a 13-month lease in June 2008 for a five-bedroom, 4,975-square-foot mansion on Taggart Avenue north of Cheekwood. Under the agreement, Ramon - who runs Genesis Diamonds in Green Hills - was to pay Cammeron $6,000 a month to live in the house built in 2007. In July of 2009, when he didn't notify Cammeron of his intent to leave after the 13 months, the lease was automatically renewed.
This past March, Cammeron says, Ramon moved out and has since not paid his rent. The builder also accuses Ramon of "causing substantial damages to the Property over and above normal wear and tear." He has asked for a trial to determine damages to the house, which until recently was being marketed for sale at $995,000."

Sucks for you, dude! I'll admit that an automatic lease renewal is a little sneaky. But the substantial damages to the house? Haha! At $6,000 a month, he's probably rolling in it from stealing would-be grooms' pocket change and having crazy parties or something. Personally, I enjoy the mental image.

So. Even though these commercials annoy the junk out of me, I can smile a little bit knowing that the sappy squooshy gooshy ads are, in reality, just backstabbing ninja stars being thrown by competitive jewelery store owners.

Its amusing, really, when you think about it.